Atomic Wedgie
Deep & NastyArchive for femininity
Batman meets Wayne
I was late for a meeting this morning, so I didn’t have time to change into my lab coat. I entered the meeting room in my batsuit abaya to find everyone gaping at me.
Fatima, you look different today.
Ya, well, I don’t always wear the lab coat you know. I actually wear an abaya to the mall.
That was so weird. It was as if they had stopped seeing me as the “girl who joined our company” & I was more “one of us now”. But when they saw me in my abaya, I was “one of us who used to be that girl who joined our company”.
Finally, the two me’s meet!
Desperate
I watched Beowulf in IMAX today, and it was awesome. I was completely caught up in the movie; for a while I felt like I was part of it. That’s how desperate I am to be part of something big – it’s so sad. Plus, the bisexual-slash-lezbo-slash-envious side of me always wanted to see Angelina Jolie naked in 3D! Totally worth the money we spent.
Anyways, I was saying, the movie in 3D was so amazing and so real!! As real as the ulcer I got in my mouth after eating at Japengo – fucking Spring Rolls. I should’ve settled for the hotdogs I had in the cinema.
I guess today was good, except for the part where my friend tried to jump me in the car. She wanted to prove me wrong coz I called her frigid. LOL!!
Phantom of the Loo
You know how some people who’ve lost a body part have phantom parts? They feel that it’s there & that they can send or receive signals to/from it. But the horrible truth is, it’s not.
There’s this French woman who’s visiting the Dharma Initiative for the next couple of weeks. She has a phantom dick. She peed all over the toilet seat. Fucking filthy French. @_%^@*$@&_%
Feminine Touch
I was stopped by another section’s Head today. “Fatima can you tell us what you think of this, being a girl & all?” & showed me a coverpage for a budget report they’re submitting. Little did they know I wasn’t the right person for the task.
I tried to warn them. I swear to God I did. It’s not my fault. The Marilyn Manson inside me took over.
Let’s just say, they ended up with more black than they’d bargained for.
A Cinderella Story…
… with an unhappy ending.
Walking from the car park to the administration building this morning, I noticed my shoe laces were untied. I thought I’d get them later when I’m in the rest room hanging my abaya.
Up up up the stairs, and… opps… safety shoe fell off!
I pick the shoe, and hop on one leg.
The purpose of this story is not to tell you of a funny situation. When you think about it, it is in fact a very very sad story.
The one thing that keeps buzzing at the back of my head is that, despite the 1000:1 ratio of men to women here at work, noone came scurrying to pick up my shoe. They’re all too careful, too uptight! For God’s sake, where are your balls? No this is not an invitation to grope yourself.
Only one guy has been comfortable and natural around me, and it’s making me second guess his sexual orientation.
I’m doomed in this place.
Ok, back off, I’m PMSing.
The Double L Word
Did you know some desert lizards don’t reproduce, but replicate themselves. However, in order to do so, they need to trigger their hormones. So, they rub against each other like a bunch of lezbos.
Yep, that’s what I was watching this weekend, Lesbian Lizards, on National Geographic.
Pretty Women
Working in a place reeking with testosterone is a girl’s dream. However, there are many hazards to it, like inhaling too much of it that you start growing a beard, & talking the talk & walking the walk! That’s why you should be extra careful not to drift off with the crowd.
Yesterday, I came home from work feeling like a man, so I jumped into the shower & did girly things. I washed with aromatic soaps, put on baby oil, and applied all sorts of lady-like creams on my face. When I got out I had already decided I’d go through extra measures to maintain whatever is left of my femininity.
This morning, while walking to my department, I catwalked in my safety boots. Uncomfortable as it was, it made me feel better & I managed to turn a few heads. Not the sort of heads I was hoping for, though.
Maybe with more practice someone other than the gardener would notice I was a girl with a booty.
