Atomic Wedgie
Deep & NastyArchive for April, 2008
The Snooze Effect
When I set my phone alarm for the next morning, I set it at least an hour earlier. And, I snooze my way into waking up on time. Hopefully, by then, I hadn’t bashed the God-damned device into the chips that make it. This way, I’m giving myself enough warning that it’s almost time! This is the snooze effect in simple terms.
As mankind progresses from ape to dumber-better-looking ape we tend to see more of this effect.
During the latest Dark Age – the 21st century onwards – man decided having red, yellow, and green traffic lights weren’t enough for him. He needed to be warned before the prehistoric traffic light decided to turn red all of a sudden, cathcing him off guard! He created a snooze: the green blinking light, a.k.a. drive-faster-or-you’ll-miss-it / I-hope-you’re-not-epileptic.
I bet you, back in the days of the dinosaurs, they only had red & green lights. Some snoozer decided he wanted to add yellow.
Sister Talk
Dear Azza who is my sister,
I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to you for being so harsh and inconsiderate throughout your teenage years.
I had forgotten what it was like to be stupid & utterly brainless. That is, until I played basketball yesterday with a bunch of 14 year-olds. Their hormones were all over the place, it was horrific.
I forgot what it was like to have your whole life revolve around school & what exams you had today. And how the first question you ask someone you’d just met is, “what grade are you?” And, when I said I was working, their tiny brains simply could not process it. I don’t blame them really. It was my fault for challenging their wits.
Now that I think about it, what is the first question adults ask when they meet a new person?
So, dear sister, I hope you accept my apology. I should’ve known you were clueless.
Love,
Your Eldest Sis, Fatima
